I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
