Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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