bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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