there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
