now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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