This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
