so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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