my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
