I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
