It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
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Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
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She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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