Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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