He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
