Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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