You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i out mim tonsoeep
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