if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
