Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
