do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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