i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
