I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
