i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
