apparently the secret to your success is patron
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
