Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
