in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
