i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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