I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize