The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
