The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
