see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
