Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
