I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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