Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
