My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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