Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I need to align my fucking chakras
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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