you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
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I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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