I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
should my penis look like a turkey
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
