I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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