I want to have your abortion
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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