So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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