I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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