just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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