the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
