I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
