i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
