i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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