please come you make the beer taste better
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
