I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
