I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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