We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
