My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
