that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
