and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!