my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.