is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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