drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes