The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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