I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
