my mouth tastes like poor choices
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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