How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize