i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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