Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
