I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
