dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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