oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
