Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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