i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
