I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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