apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
