i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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