i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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