Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
