3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Of course I have a pirate flag
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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