I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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