what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
