Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's blow job season.
You pole danced in your parka.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
