you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
