just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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