ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
