Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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