Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
