im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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