we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
