When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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